The Ceremony – Getting married may seem like just another doable task…
Believe me, when the time comes you might feel differently. I have seen so many couples who are nervous wrecks come the wedding day. If they don’t have a strategy for dealing with that stress, then they will be guaranteed to miss their own ceremony! So, let’s make sure you learn how not to miss your ceremony!
Let me share with you some tips. These can help you actually enjoy and be present at your ceremony. Some are long term, some more immediate. All work!
1. Choose wisely. I don’t just mean your mate, I mean your wedding planner and your officiant as well as DJ, florist, videographer, photographer, musicians… you name it. You must be on a wavelength with your wedding planner whether it is full service or, “day of.” He or she is going to be your stage manager. Every move, every moment is planned out with you in mind. So pick the person who understands and will commit to your vision.
Choose your officiant wisely. Some people like a ceremony with humor and others don’t. Some like “our story” to be told and others find that too personal for public. Some like a more traditional ceremony based upon their faith traditions and others want something either a bit more modern or reform or even a total secular service. Know what you want and choose the person who will do the ceremony that speaks of you two.
2. Be clear. Don’t just say “yes” when someone makes a suggestion. Do you want only white flowers or do you want color? You can ask the florist “what do you like?” but really, it’s YOUR wedding. What do YOU like and state it clearly.
3. Hire professionals for your ceremony. Unless you have been at a wedding they did, or they come from your BFF, ask for a reference or two, or three. No legitimate vendor will turn you down. When you hire pros they will do their jobs right the first time and you can relax! Ah, relax!
4. Take a week to prepare. I suggest to my couples that they each take a week to get ready for the big day. I suggest that if you live together, that you not sleep in the same room. Give yourself a chance to miss each other. I suggest grooms not shave for a week and then just before the ceremony to shave so they look differently and feel differently to their mates and to themselves. I suggest brides take a warm bath, some candles and a glass of wine and relax and meditate the night before. BTW, for same sex couples it works too. You can work out the baths…but the sleeping arrangements are worth considering.
There, you have it! Four tips which will help you navigate the months leading up to your wedding. Follow these and I am sure you will be present at an event to remember!
A special thank you to our writer, Rabbi Arthur Rosenberg